The End of an Adventure

I have two excuses for why I didn't write a blog for my last several weeks in Beijing. The primary reason for no post was that in early May China blocked blogspot. : ) I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Chinese government for giving me a legitimate excuse not to write a post.
My second reason for not wanting to write this post is that it means it is really done. Putting off writing this last post meant I could pretend that I'll be back in Beijing soon and have an awesome new adventure to describe. But it is done. No more pulling on my electric blue track suit every morning. No more bike rides through hard hitting wind storms. No more listening to my host parent's lectures on Mao over a cup of green tea. No more stares from the locals at the funny white girl who thinks she is Chinese too. It is done.
In fact I've been home for going on three weeks and it already feels like a dream. I feel as if I haven't gotten on that flight to San Fransisco and onto Beijing September 4th yet. Everything at home is eerily almost just as I have left it so there are times when I forget what I did for this past year. But then I'll see a color or smell a whiff of something that takes me unawares and sends me immediately shooting back to my wonderful second home. Seeing a bag of fertilizer instantaneously makes me think of my trials carrying cow crap on my shoulders in a village, and glimpsing 15$ DVDs for sale makes me scoff as I think of my 50$ DVD collection that bought me over 60 bootleg classics.
So, basically, I am numb most of the time until unexpected flashes of memories take over. It hurts a little to think of these memories, the best I have ever had, and know how far away I am from it.
People stop me all the time and ask me if I miss "it". Yes, I miss it. I had a life in Beijing and changing back to American life is unsettling. Luckily, I have the best family in the world and they have been more than supportive in getting me to adjust. Still, there are moments in which I miss Beijing so much it is painful. I want my bike, my uniform, and my friends back. I miss waking up in the morning, looking out at the gray sky and knowing that Beijing's streets are just waiting for me to explore. But I am not desolate. Really, I am not sad I am in America and not there because I know I'll be back in Beijing soon. This is not any end besides an end of SYA, a vehicle to take me to China. This is just the start of my explorations in China and I hope soon all of you will be reading my China blog again.
Thanks for following all this time,
Sincerely
Julia Loughlin

Song of the Week
Chariot by Gavin DeGraw